you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
