my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
