dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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