Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
