I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
