he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
