At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
