we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
