Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
