I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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