It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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