I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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