Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize