I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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