Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
