Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
