She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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