Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
