i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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