I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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