It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
