It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
