People in love make me want to vomit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
