remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
