I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
