I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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