tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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