i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
