I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
did i just pee glitter
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
