My friends, they love my intelligence
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
