I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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