1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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