Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
