New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think people are normalizing furries
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
