I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
