Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My pussy is not your playground.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
