All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
