the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
