I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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