Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dicks are not precious.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
