a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
