Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
