singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
