I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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