lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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