Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
