Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
