I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
