I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
