I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
