My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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