if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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