Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
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I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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