the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
