My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
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As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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