i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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