K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
