that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
