Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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