whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
