everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
