i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
