Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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