Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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