after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
