It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
